It is well documented that for every minute you exercise, you add a minute to your life.This enables you, at 85 years of age, to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month!

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell she is!

The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

I joined a health club last year and spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.

I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

I like long walks... especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

And last, but not least,
I don't exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass!