"Filthy, Stinking Rich -- Well, Two Out of Three Ain't Bad"

"Real Men Don't Waste Their Hormones Growing Hair"

"Upon the Advice of My Attorney, My Shirt Bears No Message at This Time"

"That's It! I'm Calling Grandma!" - (seen on an 8 year old)

"Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up"

"Procrastinate Now"

"Rehab Is for Quitters"

"My Dog Can Lick Anyone"

"I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts -- Do You Want Fries With That?"

"Party -- My Crib - Two A.M." (On a baby-size shirt)

"If a woman's place is in the home WHY AM I ALWAYS IN THIS CAR!"

"ALL MEN ARE IDIOTS, AND I MARRIED THEIR KING"

"A hangover is the wrath of grapes"

"STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!"

"They call it "PMS" because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken"

"He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead"

"POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN ....Cops have nothing to go on."

"HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOSH"