1 cup sugar

4 large eggs

2 cups dried fruit

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon salt

1 cup brown sugar

lemon juice

nuts

1 gallon whiskey

Sample the whiskey to check for quality

Take a large bowl

Check the whiskey again to be sure it is of the highest quality

Pour one level cup and drink

Repeat

Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter in a large fluffy bowl

Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again

Make sure the whiskey is still ok.

Cry another tup. Turn off mixer.

Break 2 lags and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruil.

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt.

Or something. Who cares? Check the whiskey.

Now sift the lemon juice and strain the nuts

Add one stable. Spoooon. Or somethin.

Whatever you can find.

Grease the oven.

Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.

Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Throw the bowl out of the window.

Check the whiskey again.

Go to bed.